My strength

I love every moment of my life. Even when it is devoid of company, when emptiness fills in the hollow space in my life. I live my life for myself and my loved ones. I used to be a strong person, hardcore, some will say..but of late, I noticed the concrete structure I built, to protect myself from getting easily hurt is beginning to fall to shambles. I'm ashamed for letting myself feel so vulnerable over silly things. I must be strong again.

convalescence

I'm still thinking of the reason that spurred me to start blogging, which, in this instance couldn't be classified as blogging because you're supposed to update it regularly, but this is completely unacceptable.
I have long accepted that I will somehow lead a really lonely life and end up being a cat woman, honestly speaking..and how ironic it is, since I really hate the cat living under my roof irrevocably. To make things worse, I finally had it figured that I don't have a hobby to fall back on when I'm old and sick with no one there for me. Ok hell with it.

The main purpose of me blogging is that, I truly miss the IIUM Debate Championship. Sorely. It seemed as if it was going to be a winding week, brainstorming ideas, thrashing the brain around, but as it is, reality always beat time faster than ever. Before it even started, it ended. And, as a girl who is going through PMS I find it reasonable to brood over it weeks after the championship.
How great was it anyway?

First, I loved the championship dinner because everyone looked so pretty and was at their best, I guess..(some people just had to take pride of their school uniform and wear it pompously) the food wasn't that great, but the graphics of the slide show was spectacular!

Moving on to the first day of the debate, was super hectic. As this was our first time at IIUM, everything is foreign and of course we had to sprint like marathon runners to the provided destination and then, battle our wits out. Its actually rather cool, in retrospect. Of the other days, it was exactly the same, except for the level of fun, it fluctuates within the schools, adjudicators and number of wins of course. I'm proud to say that our school didn't do that bad, considering we're novices in debate, had no training, no practices whatsoever, but yet we still have profound knowledge on NPT. Whats that? Go figure :)

Dato' CQ Teoh Debate Championship

A hiatus from that 3 day debate tournament is really gratifying. Having said that, I miss KDU College immensely as I'm typing now. The first step in a foreign place usually gives you that flutter in the stomach what more when you're dreading dealing with debates for the coming days.
So there we were, (Yusintha, Dakshan, Sable, Nabihah, Aiman and me) looking in to the alienated yet spacious auditorium which would of course be our haven for relaxing our nerves later on.. Then, comes the superior looking nemesis from other schools, with their stuck-up faces and posh coats..I wonder why can't we have some of those too..???
Anyways, it was a long wait before the roll calls and release of motions. The first round didn't suck as how I secretly predicted..It went quite smoothly against LaSalle..I have to admit, in the history of me debating, so far, I have only debated against an all-boys team. Lucky me! No bitchy insults or whatsoever. The second round turned out as a jackpot for us, well, especially me and Sable, since we did the same motion last year. I would literally kill myself if we didn't win, which we did anyway, and hence saved myself from the unnecessary :)
To which this day ended with everyone burdened with some nasty headaches..Oh, before that, Ms Rosyada brought Dev, Shyam and Alya along as to gain exposure to the world of debate. Nice to have Dev scrambling around taking shots of us and the whole college with that fancy camera of his :)

The second day of Dato' CQ Teoh debate didn't run well in favour for my team the very least, team A did better. It was a total loss for team B except fot the silent round, where it was expected and humbly predicted that we won..I should think so.. So, towards the end of the day, team B wasn't quite optimistic about breaking into the top16..which we didn't.

Our expectations for team A breaking into Octofinals fell hard as they weren't even near the top scores (scoring a 2/5 wins) It was a pretty bleak day, but nevertheless, we stayed back i.e me, Aiman, Dakshan, Pn Safrina and Ms Rosyada to watch the top16 teams battle through the theme: USA..My first thought was die,die,die!! Surprisingly, this theme didn't serve to crash some teams spirits, like KGV. Hats down to them for delivering a super and solid informative presentation to the audience who were listening to them with mouths agog.. Honestly..they were damn good. Crushing the opponent with all they've got, never letting their ego get the better of them and I think, conclusively won this tournament. They deserve it, seriously.

All in all, I really miss this one helluva experience and am hoping to make it to UIA if selected. Hmm..crap.I really miss the auditorium toilet.Its like a five-star hotel toilet, SERIOUSLY :D.
Oh wait, And also that cute SAB guy whose name is coincidentally Izzat, Izzat Zalis and also the respectful and awesome LaSalle boys. They are so nice and gracious to us :)

SPM Results Day

I stare at my blog and I feel the pathetic blow for leaving it inactive since end of last year. Its funny, how you think you can babble out all sorts of things but as you sit facing the computer, your mind goes totally blank. I was reminded of my blog sometime when Dakshan asked why have I not blogged anymore. A gentle nudge for me to be horrified with myself for abandoning this blog. Poor baby..

Since I have not blog since January, so I might just as well update my current status. School has been fun as ever. Even being an exco in the prefects' body isn't that onerous. Its quite relaxed to be frank. February test just passed and March test is lurking around the corner. My results weren't that bad, its just that I was pinning my hopes higher than usual. And of course, as I happen to be blogging today, its is of course the day SPM results are released. So, there were many hopeful scholars who pulled off amazing results. It certainly gives me a surge of pride for my school and them of course. And not to forget, the additional stress as I am also pinning my hopes high to be like one of them.. It would be great to score all straight A+.

Not to forget also, tomorrow I will be participating in the CQ TEO Debate Championship at KDU, Petaling Jaya. Its daunting, and I'm sure my bundle of nerves will get to me tomorrow. Its parliamentary style debate, formal, yes and the best part of it? We're given 20 minutes to brainstorm for our points and facts. Thats the scary part. To make matter worse, I've heard rumours that debaters from schools in petaling jaya are hell awesome, so timid me is just going to rot and wither in front of an audience, I SO HOPE NOT! I'm just praying that we can go far in this competition and if miracles still happen, that I can clinch the award 'Best Speaker' for at least once.

Retarded

This blog is left dormant ever since I don't know when.

I'm just retardedly blogging with no purpose, perhaps just letting out the frustration through typing. Its the end of January already and I'm incessantly procrastinating my homeworks and chores. SPM, SPM, SPM..Its not haunting when you hear people talk about it, but it becomes annoying to the ears.

Back to school. I will universally proclaim that some prefects are stupid and have no cow sense. They get irked by the slightest jibe and wouldn't forgive the world for it. I don't understand that they couldn't grasp the ultimate meaning of duty, obligatory.. Gosh, they are retarded as I am tOO.

Life can't be any harder can they??

Its not much of a struggle in Form 5, I've been enjoying school actually..to a point where we, people ourselves create insignificant problems to jeopardize people's lives. Take mine for example, I'm just incessantly strafed with problems to worry on and matters to ponder on. Or its just me, thinking that life has become so hard. Maybe its hard for anyone anyways. I have to officially proclaim that Saturdays are probably the most boring day of the week. First, school was a big sucker and a waste of time. The others played charades while I'm busy chatting away about guys, marriage and careers..then came the book later. Secondly, there is hardly anything interesting to watch on TV. Third, odious things just had to happen on Saturdays..really..

Parents could just be the sole reason of frustration in your teenage live. They don't give a single thought on your needs and thinks everything we want is frivolous and purely destructive. I'm so forlorned and desolated. There's nobody to talk to right now..Everyone is just busy. I hate trapping this queasy feeling in me, but I guess nature is forcing me to without any choices given.

Pancakes and Blueberries

SPM is months away and I'm still goofing around at home. I have this really hectic schedule and am planning to make it inhumanely worst to score my best for it. Heck, my cousins aggregation for O-levels is 8/10, and that piece of bothering fact is making me gravitate towards my study table almost everyday. If she could do a much tougher syllabus in 4 years, then I'll have to score better with an easier, straightforward syllabus in five. Unfair?? She's a bloody genius. Burn the midnight oil they said. Deficient of rest, I should say, it had been making me cantankerous and gloomy. I don't feel like talking to anyone at home. The only remedy is perhaps school. I'm happy there. And my so-called 'naked' table is my lovely sanctuary of my study sessions. And to have friends by you all the time adds greatness to everything! (finally, after solitary for 2 long months) As, they then say, life is a full circle, it never ceases to bring sadness. Forlorned and devastated as I can be, I'm doing my best to mask it from public's eye. No point having them to know, yet the only point of me writing this is just to let it out. Who cries in the car (whose mum doesn't even notice), in the showers, and most ridiculously, while cycling? Thats funny though, crying while cycling, who could ever imagine that. And to top it over, you have no one to talk to. Your mum doesn't respond the way that could allay your thoughts, your friends are an impossibility to tell (they would think I'm an insane psychopath), and the most trusted person you have is not there for you. So, you let the motion past and its over. They ask the usual 'whats going on' and you reply, the casual, 'nothing'. So nothing it is. I'll just let it fall into oblivion.

Now why am I emotional???

Holidays are always a tad too long for me to handle. From the moment the school bell rings , you get all that adrenaline rush and speed home to catch the latest drama. Then comes all the plan you had planned for the holiday. Then it gets boring, I mean absolutely boring. My two week return from Egypt hadn't been filled with any significance. Consider this, idiot box and sleep. Well, maybe I'm a bit productive, say 4 books in two weeks, not bad huh? Apart from that, I'm pretty much lackadaisical, mooching about with nothing to do. Unbelievably, but I'm hoping to finish SPM this year. At least it keeps my brains whirring rather total inactivity. Relatives walk in and out, but nothing much has been brought into the house. Just movies, luncheons, dinners and shopping. It gets tiring, totally. Just a few more days to school, already counting down.

My journal on the entire trip to Egypt

Dear diary,
Being in the plane for almost 10 hours could almost give me claustrophobia. Its pure boredom sitting stuck at a place and have nothing to do besides watching outdated movies..

Its winter here, but it feels like spring..and yeah, no snow of course. I love my first step out of the airport. Egypt welcomed us with a really nice breeze along with the jovial faces of my cousin and her friends. I foresaw that it was going to be a great day.

The house we rented was an Arab-styled house..it had so many rooms I wondered who'll be sleeping in them. Its not quite cosy after all...I suppose I need some time to adapt myself in this new, foreign place.

Ustaz Razi, Baba's acquaintance was such a dear to be our tour guide, for the whole stay of 2 weeks here. We hurriedly went to see the magnificent pyramids at Giza. Full of anxiety, we were greeted by the 3 pyramids from far, and was marvelled by its grandeur. I will never forget how spectacularly breathtaking this massive polygonal structure stood, majestically on sand and dirt.
Though its one of the 7 wonders of the world, the pyramids are congested with 'landmines' the size of my shoes. Of whose though, camels and horses. Sheesh..

Dear diary,

We toured around Cairo for 2 long days. Tourist spots like the Citadel was beautiful. I was spellbounded by the architecture of it. Baba said its influenced by the victorian style..
There was also an outdoor exhibition on aircrafts and whatnot. Khan al-Khalili, a bazaar, was more interesting than i could picture. It is psychedelic in its ornaments and trinkets that I couldn't make up my mind on which souvenir to buy, until a week later.

Dear diary,

Salleh was so nice to bring us around although he hadn't recovered from some illness. It was good to spend a whole day with him, getting to know him..well, if he's going to be part of the family. The Museum of Cairo was fascinating. Speak of King Tut's treasure! A really brilliant display of his treasures, gleaming through the protective glasses that encased every single possession of his. Dear King Tut, the murdered boy king...

Dear diary,

Its so long and strenuous, although just sitting in the train for a long period of 15 hours to get to Aswan. Thats the price we had to pay for getting cheap fare to get on the cruise down the nile. The back was aching and yet, we could still be stupendously excited about the cruise.

'Beau Soleil' is the name of our cruise. I thought its cute. Its obviously a 5-star cruise, as the place is so luxurious and comfy. Not a bit of regret having to endure the blistering wind of Egypt to finally be able to relax on the cruise.

A group of us was brought to witness the amazing dam that has controlled the flooding of the Nile for years.. The view was really beautiful, but the suckish part was, we weren't permitted to take any photos. Well, screw the guards, I managed copious of it.

A boat took us to Phillae Temple..what I call, the temple on water. Its so picturesque I must say! So, the guide, who could NOT speak eloquently, struggled at explaining the story behind this wonderful temple. I only managed to catch words like, 'Isis, Osiris, Horus', which are of course, the names of ancient Egypt gods.. I was wistful to not be able to understand it. Nevertheless, it didn't dampen my mood at the very least as I went on venturing every corner of the temple and took abundant of photos.

Dear diary,

We reached Abu Simbel as soon as I woke up in the misty early morning. We decided to skip the 3 hours journey to Abu Simbel Temple at the wee hours of morning. I couldn't help but to agree as we deduced that should every temple be the same. And the long journey was not worth the pain in the ass.. So it was a day off. Went around the souq to help ourselves to some of the local delicacies which I think was much more worth it than visiting another temple.

Dear diary,

What a rush it was to see the Kom Ombo Temple. Hahaha...What a catchy name to begin with! With a lovely breeze to perk our senses up, Kom Ombo Temple certainly gave us a sense of appreciation to ancient history. Furthermore, the guide was so lovely and jocular, everyone enjoyed the tour!
Edfu is another of our stop along the Nile. And of course, they have a temple named Edfu Temple. Since it was already noon, our spirits were nearly sunken by the blazing sun. Nevertheless, with a guide Mama thinks looks like Ferdinand, obviously everyone was uplifted. Too bad, I didn't take a photo with him..

Dear diary,

The day kicked off pretty early today. All I can say, the camaraderie of us gaily chattered on our way to the most significant place in Luxor, Valley of The Kings. Prior to that, we went over to Valley of The Queens, which I didn't know existed, and Hatshepsut Temple. We explored the tombs of 3 princes, I can't remember their names, its too complicated, which was fascinating and interesting..Hatshepsut Temple was much more beautiful. Too bad, it had been rebuilt and restored from its ruins. Still, it was amazing. Lastly, Valley of The Kings. I must say this for once though, I really hate the Egyptian Government for being too prudent and not let us take pictures of the tombs interior. As we explored, the hieroglyphics on the walls depicting stories of the pharoah's life took all of us in. Its still intact in terms of colour and the writings were so intricately done that not even a flaw could be detected. If only I was an Egyptologist, the hieroglyphics would mean great to me.. We tomb-explored Ramses I, Ramses III, and Ramses IV tombs. I must say, the ancient architectures were just brilliant and crafty to have dug a tomb so deep that I don't think any tomb robbers could have survived the deficient air in it. I pity Mama though. She looked so wearied by the time she reached the final stairs..She is supposed to experience a relaxing holiday, but for the sake of a tomb..

Dear diary,

I would certainly miss the Nile cruise. Firstly, it would be the really lip-smacking food we had everyday. I just love all the sweetmeats laid out for us. Just so scrumptious. Secondly, it would be the comfortable room and toilet. Then, the sun deck. Actually, to be honest, I hate it. Simply because it is winter and the wind is really chilly down your bones, I would freeze for staying up there a second. To the end of this fateful day, we made friends with a young, adorable girl named Syukrina. She 'hails' from Singapore and appeared to be a really intelligent girl. We liked her instantly. So, adieu Beau Soleil...

Dear diary,

Immediately after the cruise down the Nile, we took off to Alexandria, once a famous port for its lighthouse, now a peaceful city to live in.. The view was breathtaking..it feels surreal to be here. I'm just completely blown away by the beauty and prior to that, cleanliness of Alexandria. Plus, they actually do have a huge shopping complex. Speaking of civilisation..

We went to this fort called Qait-Bey. Quite enjoyable exploring it, also the joy of learning how military operates from my dad. Meanwhile Alexandria National Library is practically the nicest library I've ever been too. The architecture is exquisite, the outdoor is surrounded with waterfalls.. I really don't mind studying there the whole day, really..

Dear diary,

We have no plans to be exact after our return from Alexandria. Free and easy. Alya and I stayed at Farna's place for 2 nights, where Nisha was there too. I like her. A female version of Kaif, but more friendly and outgoing. The first day we spent time sitting like a statue at her lecture. It was of course, in Arabic, and I could barely understand the lecturer. Maybe a word or two, but I finally decided that it would be a waste of time trying to catch every word she says and interpret it, only to find out minutes later that I'm still blank. So gone was my 2 hours which was spent mostly on reading a book I've already read. It feels weird and foreign around a classroom of Arabs, especially when they peer at you with a frown on the face, trying to figure out which nationality do you belong to. They think I'm Japanese.

I spent the last few days shopping, finalising everything I want.. Also, I have been eating tubs of yoghurt for some strange reason.

Looking out the window at the passing buildings gave me a sad feeling. That was my last ride here in Cairo. A ride that was filled with ringing silence. Time to be sombre and sad. I'm certain I would miss it although the place is like a rotten rubbish dump. Most importantly, I would miss Farna and Nisha, speaking of not having a big sister... The sleepovers at their place was truly unforgettable. Their presence made everything worthwhile and every moment count in Egypt. I don't think I'll have half as much as fun as I did if they weren't there. I miss Egypt already..

I'M BACK!

There's so much to tell..unfortunately for me, uploading pictures is really onerous. So I presume the whole idea of me posting my journal plus pictures will be a bit delayed. Till then..